Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
