i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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