I think i peed on brittanys purse
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
