Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
