he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
