i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
