Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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