I just saw a hot homeless man
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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