in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
