she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I understand Curling. That high.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
