rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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