i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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