dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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