Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
