I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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