I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
