so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
