You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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