fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
