So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
