Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
