I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
