I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
