it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
