If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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