No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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