and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize