These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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