Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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