Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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