Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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