it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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