I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
