Have you finally orgasmed yet?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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