This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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