omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
