Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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