I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
