whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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