I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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