My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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