Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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