i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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