Fuck appropriateness.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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