well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
