toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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