Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
