wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
