He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
