plz talk dirty to me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
