Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
