Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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