Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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