id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I need water and some morals
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
