Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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