I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
