how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
