oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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