you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
