Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I want her autograph on my taint
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
