Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
