Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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