am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
