he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
