you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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