honey bunches of taint.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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