Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
