What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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