So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
